Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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