It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize