Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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