who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no. you can't hotbox the world.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
