Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
