i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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