I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
