Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
