does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
