While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
