Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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