Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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