My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
