I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
