i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize