these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
