Your face is a jimmy john
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
