You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
