Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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