at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
