I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
