he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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