You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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