mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
