I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think my vagina is haunted
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
