Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
