I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just had sex on a roof
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
