In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
