She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
