dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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