too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize