Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize