I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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