Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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