i think my mom watched the whole time
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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