The maid of honor just puked.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
