He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
then he tried to convert me to islam
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
