P.S. I can't hear my feet
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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