Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
