Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
