Apparently you make a good broom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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