Midget sex pt 2 tonight
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
