I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize