She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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