How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
