saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
