I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
