You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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