She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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