when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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