I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
