I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
