sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
home. puking in laundry basket.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
