One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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