Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
