no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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