i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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