Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
