he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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