Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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