Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize