Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
