I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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