atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize